This is the kind of conversation you think you can simply brush from your shoulder and be done with only to find that due to the bizarre behavior of static and small particles the lint has just relocated to your pant-leg.
You could walk out the door with the lint still clinging tenaciously, but you’d really rather not. So, the Lint Conversation (LC)…Let’s assume you’ve already tried working things out with someone but you’re left feeling like something hasn’t quite clicked in the previous conversations.
Fundamentally, it goes something like this:
1) You realize that something someone else said or did really bothers you.
2) You rationalize how this is just an overreaction on your part and tell yourself to get over it.
3) You dwell on it. Revert to #2 and do not collect $200.
When you’re in this cycle it’s easy to feel flustered, inconsolable, or generally at a loss of how to climb out of the hole this mental conditioning has dug you into. That’s where the LC works it’s magic. Rather than ignoring that something really is bothering you, you acknowledge that you have an internal guidance system that is there for a reason. Something in the LC is a key for you, perhaps a lesson, perhaps an experience. Of course there is fear involved. Fear of making a bigger mess of the situation. Often it can come down to the fear that the other person will hate you forever, leave, or never speak to you again. You have to take that risk. I know, I know, the risk usually feels HUGE. Like Niagara Falls style. Our minds are adept at creating imaginary scenarios that scare us into silence. But the rewards are even greater…
Have the LC. Go to the person you’re having an issue with and start out with a line like this, “I know we’ve talked about X before, and I really appreciate the conversation we had. I’m still sitting with the feeling Y and I just can’t shake it.” Then you go for it. Spill the beans! Say what’s really on your mind. Take the lint roller and get that stuff off your chest!
In my experience, the relief is immediate and astounding. I urge you to try this and see where it takes you. So far, I’ve left the LC feeling more empowered and insightful. There’s truth waiting to be discovered. And isn’t it so much better to dig for treasure rather than a hole to hide in?