Dating Policy #2: Let’s talk “layaway”

If you’re recall from the last post, I really believe in following our intuition when selecting a significant other. In the end, pretty basic stuff. So what about when the situation is bit more complicated? Let’s say you’ve met someone and you really hit it off. Eventually you’ve made it passed the “just friends” territory. Good for you. Now what? It’s great if you both want a relationship but what if one or both of you doesn’t? Is it possible for two people who are attracted to each other, and take good care of themselves, and have strong support systems to engage in loving, casual sex?

Can you put the sweater on layaway? 

I hope you liked the pun. 😉 I’m actually serious about this question though because the path to spiritual liberation means constantly questioning the reality I face everyday. The reality I’ve been observing is that casual sex is akin to unconscious craving and the feeding of physical hunger. So today I’m asking: To what extent was I socially conditioned to believe in serial monogamy? Does an on again off again relationship without deep investment lead directly to emotional pain for one or both partners? What if there are strong desires physically, mentally, and emotionally between them? I can’t help but get excited by the prospect of sincere and open emotional processing with a good listener about my feelings surrounding sex and sexuality. What a gift!

What if it’s likely that the person is NOT a future life partner, but you find yourself drawn to him anyway. He isn’t ready to commit to one person either but wants to explore your connection. Back to the sweater analogy… What’s the harm in taking him home now and investing in it (committing to it) little by little over time? The sweater, the man, the dynamic between us is present – in the now. The layaway is the small yet consistent increase in investment over a period of time.

Can this work?

I’m so curious to know. Not personally but for whole of my generation that is waiting for the “right” person to come along, and waiting for the “right” time to invest in a relationship, and waiting for the “right” life experience before settling down. Ultimately, I arrive at the the question I just can’t shake. Am I second guessing casual sex because those thoughts are mine? Or did I buy-into ideas about sexuality that society sold me?





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